Why George Bush should install a giant mirror in the Oval Office before he leaves
The insane emperor Caligula made his horse, Incitatus, a Roman consul. In 2008, the people of the United States elected Barack Obama and Joseph Biden. The Romans got the better of the two arrangements, because Caligula appointed the ENTIRE horse. Within 72 hours of his election, Barack Obama has already turned the nation’s highest office and the leadership of the Free World into a carnival sideshow–with Biden and himself as the principal freaks.
Obama began his career as President-Elect by mocking former First Lady Nancy Reagan, whom he said held seances in the White House. It is an unspoken custom of the Presidency that one does not belittle a predecessor, much less his wife, but Obama lost no time in making jokes at the expense of an 87 year-old lady who tended her husband through the ravages of Alzheimer’s Disease. This is entirely consistent, by the way, with his campaign Web site’s tolerance of Alzheimer’s Disease jokes at the expense of John McCain.
He also created a Web site, Change.gov, which bears the title, “Office of the President Elect.” The site uses the Great Seal of the United States minus the cluster of stars above the eagle’s head. (It might, in fact, be illegal for him to use the entire Great Seal because he is not yet President). He has set up this government-hosted Web site as if it was his personal campaign site, complete with a litany of attacks on President Bush: the man who congratulated him on his election, and who has at least an informal duty to assist him during the transition period.
Senator Biden has meanwhile used his own government-hosted Senate Web site to defame a woman’s deceased father with a false accusation of killing Biden’s wife and daughter while driving drunk. Our country has therefore put a proven liar, coward, and bully (for no other word can adequately describe an individual who uses the power of his office to inflict emotional distress on a private citizen) a heartbeat away from the Presidency.
We hoped that Barack Obama would prove us wrong in our expectations, and that he would even give us cause to apologize for the things we have written about him. This would be in the best interests of our country. He has instead used the first three days of his new status as President-Elect to demonstrate the maturity of an adolescent with a tinfoil crown on his head, a narcissistic megalomaniac with delusions of Messiah-hood. We therefore hope that President Bush will install a room-sized mirror that faces the desk in the Oval Office before he leaves. Obama will then spend the next four years staring at the reflection of himself behind the President’s desk (perhaps having to be fed, groomed, and bathed by attendants) and thus be unable to damage the country during his tenure.