Anti-Second Amendment Sideshow Freak Exhibit

Poltrooni Cowardus Pusillanimis

Gutless worm 

This invertibrate species can be identified by its yellow ventral and white dorsal coloration. Despite its similarity to annelids, or worms, it has a single-ended digestive system. Its mouth must double as an anus because it lacks an intestine; that is, it is gutless. It was rarely found in ancient societies, where it would have been exterminated quickly and thus prevented from passing either its genes or its values to future generations.

However, it is more common in today’s society, where it gets rudimentary protection from police forces (although courts have ruled that police have no legal duty to protect individual citizens) and national armies. It is therefore not only able to breed, but to attempt to impose its value system on the rest of society.

  • A middle school principal in Michigan allegedly pressed his students to sign a “Red Letter,” which pledged them to never use violence even in self-defense.
  • Women: beware of taking one of these creatures for a male member of species homo sapiens. They sometimes
    walk upright and attempt to imitate human males in efforts to date and even marry women. However, human males will generally protect their female companions and especially their mates if the odds are fair (and sometimes even if they’re not). The above specimens would not even use a firearm against a knife-wielding thug to protect a female companion (or a child), so their claim to being men is dubious at best.
  • Men: Many years ago, men were expected to be protective of women. Now, with woman’s equality, it would be reasonable for a man to expect his wife or female companion to use a firearm against an attacker (or gang) that was overpowering him. He also should be able to count on her to shoot a man who is trying to rape their eleven year
    old daughter. Remember that natural selection culls species that won’t protect their young from the gene pool. You might want to think twice before dating, let alone breeding with, female specimens of Poltrooni Cowardus Pusillanimis.

Specimens of Poltrooni Cowardus Pusillanimis

  • Rosie O’Donnell, who has a private security guard who recently applied for a gun permit. If Ms. O’Donnell really cared about her safety and her children’s safety, she’d buy a gun herself and take lessons in its safe and effective use. (We already know she’s a two-bit hypocrite, it wouldn’t make her look any worse to show up on a range with a 9 mm or a .38, hearing protection, and targets.) Jeff Cooper (To Ride, Shoot Straight, and Speak the Truth) said that a person is his or her own best protection, and that you don’t get West Point graduates for what rent-a-cops usually get. Machiavelli’s Art of War (less well known than The Prince) says that you can’t pay a man enough to make him willing to die for you. That is, in a real life-threatening situation, your rent-a-cop(s) could decide, “I/We just work here,” and bug out.
  • Ted Kennedy, whose bodyguard was detained (but not prosecuted) for trying to bring a machine gun into a Federal government building. It’s hard to imagine this rich man’s boy who never did a lick of honest work in his life touching anything made of steel, whether it be a hand tool or a firearm.
  • Can’t classify hypocrite Dianne Feinstein as one, at least she carried her gun herself.

Liberalus Limousini

Limousine Liberal 

This species is often upper middle class or wealthy. Its usual habitat is a good neighborhood, university, or gated community. It prides itself on voicing its supports for “civil rights,” and it frequently indulges in support for affirmative action preferences for Blacks and other minorities.
However, it, like the Ku Klux Klan and other white supremacist organizations really thinks Blacks are naturally violent and cannot be trusted with firearms, as shown by its frequent use of the racist code phrase* “Negrotown Saturday Night Special.” To the Liberalus Limousini, Black people are fine as long as they stay in the ‘hood and out of those white suburban neighborhoods (except as servants, maintenance workers, chauffeurs, lawn jockeys, and so on). The Liberalus Limousini may voice its objection to racial profiling by local police but, given its frequent calls for bans on “Negrotown Saturday Night Specials,” it is probably privately happy about this practice. (More on the pig motif: see George Orwell’s Animal Farm for the general idea. Pigs = Orwellian ruling class, with special privileges. “All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal
than others.”)

The Million Mom March featured one of these abnormalities: a piglike thing stood on its hind legs and grunted (140K .WAV) something about “giving birth to a movement.” “Movements” like the one of which it spoke do not come from the birth canal; if they did, they’d be excellent arguments for late-term and even retroactive abortions.
Said freak has also made noises like, “I don’t care if you want to hunt. I don’t care if you think it’s your right. I say:  Sorry, it’s 1999. We have had enough as a nation. You are not allowed to own a gun, and if you do own a gun I think you should go to prison.”

Specimen Rosie O’Donnell doesn’t think commoners and peasants should have guns, but she has a private security guard who recently applied for a gun permit, and she lives in a gated community. Her position is clear; her life and safety are important because she’s a wealthy celebrity, but it doesn’t matter if a working-class or even a professional-level woman gets raped, battered, and perhaps killed because of the gun laws that Ms. O’Donnell supports. Other specimens of Liberalis Limousini:

  • Carl “Gun Laws are for Everybody but Me” Rowan of the Washington Post
  • Ted “Machine Gun” Kennedy, also known as “A Blonde in Every Pond” Kennedy
  • Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA)

* “Code phrases” are sometimes used to express ideas that would be unacceptable in decent society. Consider an expensive restaurant that wants to hire a white woman as a hostess. The restaurant can’t tell an employment agency, “We want a white hostess, not a Black or a Hispanic.” This would be illegal and, if word got out, it would rightly cost them a lot of business. Instead, it tells the employment agency, “We want to hire Betsy, not Tawana or Maria.” Similarly, members of the wealthy elite are above saying, “We don’t want Blacks to have guns.” Instead, they say, “We have to do something about those cheap handguns; we must outlaw Saturday Night Specials.” This was in fact the approach of the 19th century white supremacists who coined the term, “Negrotown Saturday Night Special” (“Negro” wasn’t the word they
used). They passed laws to outlaw the possession of inexpensive guns that might be purchased by working-class Blacks, immigrants (Irish, Poles, Italians), and so on.

Prevaricator Mendacious Perfidious

Lying Manure Sack

This creature is easily recognized by its two faces and forked tongue. It is often capable of concealing the odor of its sacklike body, although these flies are not fooled in the least; they know what’s inside that sack. This particular specimen of Prevaricator Mendacious Perfidious is saying that 13 children a day are killed by firearm misuse, and that it didn’t have sex with Monica Lewinsky. Specimens include:

  

Distinguished columnist Thomas Sowell on Rosie O’Donnell

From, “When self-protection is the issue, gun control advocates show their hypocrisy,” Wilkes-Barre Times-Leader, 6/3/2000

“Rosie O’Donnell is only the latest liberal to be vociferously in favor of gun control for other people– and yet ready to use firearms for their own protection. Others have included columnist Carl Rowan and Adolph Ochs Sulzberger of the New York Times, whose newspaper has been 200 percent behind gun control laws for years.”

“Rosie O’Donnell has hired a security guard to protect her young son and the guard has applied for a gun permit. … Why is it
more important for Rosie O’Donnell’s son to have armed protection than for a black youth, or other people living in high-crime neighborhoods, to have armed protection? Here is the same ‘do as I say, not as I do’ hypocrisy found among liberals who want to prevent other people from exercising the same school choice that they exercise for their own children.”

…”When gun-control advocates throw around figures about how many children are killed by guns, they don’t tell you that most of these ‘children’ are teenage gangsters, not little kids who find loaded guns around the home.”

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